What Therapists Want Us To Know About Aziz Ansari, ‘Bad Sex’ And #MeToo
In a recent article I was quoted as saying "It’s like women have toxic empathy for the male sex drive and sexual wishes" and “Prioritizing male pleasure is a problem even in established relationships,” Zoldbrod told HuffPost. “I’ve described it as ‘the tyranny of the erect penis’: It’s hard for women to say ‘no’ to a man with an erection, even in relationships. Men need to learn to pleasure women first, but women have such difficulty in refusing their partners.”
A Longtime Sex Therapist's Lessons From The Aziz Ansari Date Tell-All
By Dr. Aline Zoldbrod
I've been a sex therapist for decades, and I’ve listened to many, many young men and women describe their sexual and dating lives. So as excruciating as the situation around the story about Aziz Ansari's date behavior may be, I'm hoping some good can come of the pain, the sadness, the confusion and the public shaming.
The story and its aftermath highlight the need for more open discussion and self-reflection on the nuts and bolts of today’s sexual scene. We need more mindful dating.
To read more about Dr. Zoldbrod's recommendations for making good dating choices, click here!
Women: Finally Learn to Orgasm
Times are a changin’ for women’s sexuality. There is much more openness about sex, with increasing permission for women to seek their own pleasure. Yet I frequently have women patients who come to me because they cannot have an orgasm, alone or with a partner. They are relieved to find that their problem can be solved. But I want you to know, as a sex therapist, that there is no pill I can give you to teach you to orgasm. Often it takes concentration, practice, reading, experimentation, getting over past attitudes, and learning to ask for what you want. So to get over anorgasmia, (which we now call “pre-orgasmia”), you have to explicitly give yourself permission to become a more sexual person. For a lot of women, that’s a tall order in and of itself.
From the Bedroom into the Medition Room: What Sex Therapists Want Mediators to Know. Dr. Aline Zoldbrod to keynote the Massachusetts Council on Family Mediation’s 16th Annual Family Mediation Institute.
For some couples who plan to divorce, the genesis of much of the fighting, hurt, and alienation that threatens the dissolution of their marriage is sexual.
“Sex is not on her radar at all.”
“He just never wanted to have sex, and it has destroyed my self esteem.”
“She just could not respond to affectionate touch, and after a while, I just could not stand it.”
“He just got more and more into porn. He lied about it. He was never interested in me sexually any more.”
On December 8, 2017, I’ll be talking to mediators about which of these couples might be helped by a referral for sex therapy, before they consider divorce.
A Sexpert's Advice - Four Tips (as featured in the 2007 parenting issue of The Boston Globe Magazine)
Originally published by The Boston Globe Magazine in 2007, Text by Carey Goldberg - Click here for original article
"Look," Lexington sex therapist Aline Zoldbrod will tell a couple. "Angry women aren't horny." Or: "No tired woman in an established relationship with kids is going to pick sex over sleep." Blunt, she is. She is also concerned – about the rise of "sexless marriages" and the many mothers who confess to her that since having a baby they have felt dead below the waist.