Women: Too Much "Mercy Sex" Will Ruin Your Sexual Relationship

I notice over and over again how other experts and researchers are encouraging women to  "just do it" when it comes to sex and addressing  desire discrepancies between partners.  Now, I believe some mercy sex, and some quickies, are just fine.  But I have to warn you not to go with their simplistic advice. 

Read: Original YourTango article published in June of 2015.

You might need to learn or to relearn how to like sex, because you have to know what your recipe is -- and you have to insist on getting good parts of it met, to have good sex. (You can use my Body Map exercise to figure out what you like.)

A  constant  diet of "mercy sex" is not good for women, gay or straight, because it tends to be unsatisfying and un-erotic. Women just want to "check the box" and say they had sex.  This  winds up being  a vapid, often male-version--- an  intercourse/penetration/orgasm oriented model of sex that does not include much touching, doesn't create tip-of-the head to bottom of the toes longing for pleasure, and it does not amaze you with the realization that YOU really do like sex.

Here is a graphic that explains what can happen with too much mercy sex.  BTW, please excuse the heterosexism in my little diagram. I just ran out of energy to fight with my graphic designer.  Too much mercy sex is not good for any woman, gay, straight, or bi, if she does not insist on getting her own recipe for sexual pleasure included in the experience.

mercysex1

Read more in this YourTango article published in June of 2015.

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Dr. Aline Zoldbrod is a licensed psychologist, seasoned sex therapist, teacher and trainer in sexuality, and author of multiple books on sexuality.

Practicing sex therapy in the Boston, MA area, Dr. Z is thoughtful and creative in her approach to help her clients gain confidence and overcome issues.

Dr. Z is a repeat author, including the award-winning book Sex Smart. Dr. Z has been featured or quoted in the Chicago Tribune, New York Times, Parenting.com, Los Angeles Times, Yahoo.com, Boston Globe, Ladies Home Journal.com, and in many other publications.