Tips from Boston Sex Therapist Dr. Aline Zoldbrod
A growing population of people identify as being asexual. Do they need help, or is it a valid sexual orientation like being gay or straight? There are experts on both sides of the question.
“Becoming a sexual human being is a long and subtle process and many things must go right in one’s family of origin for the child to connect sexuality and love,” says Aline Zoldbrod.
Without touch, we would cease to exist. A child is amazingly intuitive about the message behind the touch. A loving kiss, unwanted tickling, or an insincere hug can be the moments of contact a child experiences that can shape behavior and expectations for their adult life.
“But many otherwise caring, concerned families just don’t use touch to express love enough.” Writes Dr. Zoldbrod. “After a year of weekly touching and talking exercises, the woman finally began to feel pleasure in being touched.”
The tendency to sweep problems such as a difference in sexual desire under the rug often leads to resentment and hurt. Now is the time to have an honest discussion.
“Sometimes discussing incorporating masturbation into your intimate, partnered sex life can be the trick to feeling friendly and like you’re on the same page again.” Says Dr. Zoldbrod “...I’m not talking about when you masturbate solo to porn. I’m talking about a loving scenario...that is a compromise between no sex whatsoever and an angry mercy-sex scenario.”
Remember when you first dated? The amazing intimacy? You can have that again, now is the time. The typical life events during your 30’s and 40’s that were important then, have now been addressed. Real intimacy is possible again.
“You can learn to overcome sexual inhibitions. You finally have the space in your life to tackle this. You can consciously decide to learn to enjoy sex.” Writes Dr. Zoldbrod
While it is possible there may be a biological reason for a woman being disinterested in sex, there is a large group of women who sabotage their own sex lives.
“Why is communicating your true sexual likes and dislikes important for women?” Asks Dr. Zoldbrod. “Gather your courage and find the words. Talk, women!”
Boston Sex Therapist Dr. Zoldbrod answered questions during a one hour live chat. You may find your question answered in the transcript.
“...unfortunately, this is not that uncommon either. Here’s what I want you to do. Practice touching her...” Answers Dr. Zoldbrod
A model of fourteen milestones in sexual development developed by Boston Sex Therapist Dr. Zoldbrod is useful to clients in explaining how certain non-sexual, negative family experiences are related to sexual feelings.
“...many kinds of families inflict ‘sexual trauma’ in a more diffuse way, affecting the platform upon which the child’s healthy sexuality needs to be built.” Says Dr. Zoldbrod
The complete article for professionals written by Boston Sex Therapist Dr. Zoldbrod can be read here, as it was originally published in Contemporary Sexuality American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists...
Straight men in the middle of a long term relationship, are you looking for a healthy and happy sexual relationship? What you know about your partner’s preferences for physical contact may be wrong, and here is how to find out.
“And I’m here to tell you that in long term, steady relationships, men often get it wrong when it comes to touching their female partners’ breasts.” Says Dr. Zoldbrod “So guys, think before you grab.”
Infertility affects men and women differently. Sometimes these differences are not readily apparent. However, these differences can effectively drive a wedge into the relationship. Understanding what the other person is feeling is important.
“Women quickly feel personally inadequate, because the social role of “mother” isn’t really optional in our society.” Says Dr. Zoldbrod. “Infertility causes some men to have disturbing changes in their body imagery and sexual imagery...”
Treatment of sexual compulsions has yielded a wealth of information regarding “why” a sexual addiction may develop. As such, this information has also enabled the ability to address sexual compulsions with positive results.
“As a professional who treats men and women suffering from sexual compulsions, I hope I can draw a compassionate picture of the ‘typical sexual addict’.” Says Dr. Zoldbrod “...There are two common pathways to becoming a sex addict, and they interact.”
A sexless marriage can exist between otherwise totally compatible people. There are steps to break free of this situation. By working together towards a common goal this can be changed to a healthy sexual relationship.
Dr. Zoldbrod writes, “Well, it is not uncommon to find some very wonderful but sex-less couples these days that secretly have the “Panda Syndrome.” Their friends have no idea that they are not sexual partners. They seem so perfect together.”