Couples, do you want to have a happier, more fulfilling, sexier and more long lasting relationship? A wonderful research study has proved what I have been saying all along in my books SexSmart (1998) and Sex Talk (2002). Touch really is the “Ground Zero of Sexuality.” Continue reading
There is a trend lately for sex therapy in Boston to lean on the Nike slogan “just do it” when working with straight women whose desire is way less than their husband’s. Just to be clear, I mean sex therapists telling women to “Just do it” meaning: “Just go along to get along” with your husband, so that the husband won’t feel rejected, be cranky, and act miserable. (This phenomenon also may apply equally well to gay women in long term relationships.) Now, mercy sex (as we sex therapists call it) is a perfectly good strategy to use periodically. But I have to say, my clinical experience has led me to believe that a consistent use of this strategy actually makes the woman’s desire problem worse in the long run. There is a much better, more constructive, healthier and happier solution to the problem of mismatched desire. It just isn’t a quick fix, that’s all. Continue reading
In order to reconnect sexually, the two of you have to reconnect emotionally and re-consider your definition of sex. If your idea of sex these days has morphed into “scientifically timed intercourse,” you will have to tap aspects of your emotional and sensual relationship, which have remained unscathed during infertility.
By Aline Zoldbrod Ph.D.
Going through the experience of infertility is one of life’s greatest stresses. Unfortunately, just as you are going through this terrible situation with your spouse and need to feel close, your sexual intimacy is affected by the trauma of the fertility problems you are facing. Continue reading
Greta*, a thirty three year old woman sat in my office, nervously fidgeting with her hair.
“I’m having terrible relationship problems. I’m not sure what’s going on, but it’s making things really bad with my boyfriend. This is the first time I have ever lived with someone. And six months into the relationship, for some reason, I stopped wanting to have sex. I began to feel that it bothered me to be touched… I felt like I was crawling out of my skin. …Actually, now that I think of it, I’ve had trouble having pleasurable sex my whole life.” Continue reading
(Adapted from her book Sex Talk (New Harbinger, 2002) with Lauren Dockett)
Painful sex is a much more common phenomenon than most people understand. It is not shown in sex scenes in movies or on TV. Perhaps it is because the media does not show sexual pain as being normal, but people respond to having sexual pain as if it is shameful. It most certainly is not! Continue reading
As often happens in my Boston sex therapy office, a straight couple with children are bemoaning the fact that it is almost impossible to have the privacy and the luxury of getting away somewhere private and comfortable to have sex at a time of day where they are not worn out and exhausted. It really is a common, frustrating problem. We’re not talking about people who are willing themselves to be in sexless marriages, we are talking about people with actual sex drives and wishes for sexual connection who are essentially what I think of as “prisoners of parenthood.” Since most people have children in this country, I’m sure some of you reading this will relate.
(reposted from http://www.hisandherhealth.com) There is a secret that we sex therapists know that generally folks don’t know: horny, angry men are still horny. Horny, angry women don’t experience having sexual desire–at least not toward the object of their anger. This … Continue reading