Boston Sex Therapist Asks: What Is Emotional Neglect and Why Is It Important to Understand It?

By Aline Zoldbord, Ph.D.

What is emotional neglect and why is it important to understand it? In 1973, the brilliant Boston pediatrician and former medical director of Boston Children’s Hospital’s Child Protection program, Eli Newberger wrote “the essential element in child abuse is not the intention to destroy a child but rather the inability of a parent to nurture (his or her) offspring.” (emphasis is mine.) Emotional neglect is what the child suffers when a parent does not attend to the child’s emotional needs. Professionals in the field of childhood abuse, for decades, have pointed out that emotional neglect co-occurs with every other kind of childhood abuse (physical, emotional and sexual.) Continue reading

Boston Sex Therapist on Lack of Luster among Couples Experiencing Infertility

By Aline Zoldbrod Ph.D.

Among the many challenges sex therapy in Boston could help overcome is the effect of infertility on sexual intimacy. Going through the experience of infertility is one of life’s greatest stresses. Unfortunately, just as you are going through this terrible situation with your spouse and need to feel close, your sexual intimacy is affected by the trauma of the fertility problems you are facing. Continue reading

Cruel Conversations and the Couples Who Have Them: Boston Sex Therapist on Becoming Curious About a Destructive Pattern

by Aline Zoldbrod, Ph.D.   Psychologist, Marriage and Couples Therapist, and Certified Sex Therapist

I was watching the movie Le Weekend with Lindsay Duncan and Jim Broadbent the other day.  From the perspective of a Boston sex therapist, this movie is a busman’s holiday. Two Brits going to Paris for an anniversary celebration. The two characters were well educated. He was a professor, she a teacher.  They had been together for many decades.  They were dependent on each other.  He had had an affair 15 years ago.  She would have nothing to do with him sexually, and he was literally crawling on the rug in a Paris hotel, on his hands and knees, just pleading with her to let him sniff her.  It was never totally clear which came first the chicken or the egg, whether she had stopped being sexual with him because of the affair, or whether he had had the affair because she was so closed off sexually.  At one point, she literally pushed him down in the street, and he hurt himself.  Then he got up and walked on with her, acting like it was perfectly normal.  She apologized, but still.  This is abuse.

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Boston Sex Therapist to Guys: Here’s the Secret to Getting More Sex from Your Long Term Honey (If You’re Straight)

Guys, I’m going to tell you something you may or may not want to hear: There is no such thing as a free lunch, and there is no such thing as automatic, passionate, happy sex in an ongoing, long-term relationship. This goes triple if you have kids.

Courting a woman, being present emotionally in the relationship, and being kind, and giving, and cooperative in whatever work has to go on in your life, is the hottest foreplay around. The word “foreplay” is deceiving. Continue reading