Guys, I’m going to tell you something you may or may not want to hear: There is no such thing as a free lunch, and there is no such thing as automatic, passionate, happy sex in an ongoing, long-term relationship. This goes triple if you have kids.
Courting a woman, being present emotionally in the relationship, and being kind, and giving, and cooperative in whatever work has to go on in your life, is the hottest foreplay around. The word “foreplay” is deceiving. Continue reading
Couples, do you want to have a happier, more fulfilling, sexier and more long lasting relationship? A wonderful research study has proved what I have been saying all along in my books SexSmart (1998) and Sex Talk (2002). Touch really is the “Ground Zero of Sexuality.” Continue reading
There is a trend lately for sex therapy in Boston to lean on the Nike slogan “just do it” when working with straight women whose desire is way less than their husband’s. Just to be clear, I mean sex therapists telling women to “Just do it” meaning: “Just go along to get along” with your husband, so that the husband won’t feel rejected, be cranky, and act miserable. (This phenomenon also may apply equally well to gay women in long term relationships.) Now, mercy sex (as we sex therapists call it) is a perfectly good strategy to use periodically. But I have to say, my clinical experience has led me to believe that a consistent use of this strategy actually makes the woman’s desire problem worse in the long run. There is a much better, more constructive, healthier and happier solution to the problem of mismatched desire. It just isn’t a quick fix, that’s all. Continue reading
In order to reconnect sexually, the two of you have to reconnect emotionally and re-consider your definition of sex. If your idea of sex these days has morphed into “scientifically timed intercourse,” you will have to tap aspects of your emotional and sensual relationship, which have remained unscathed during infertility.
By Aline Zoldbrod Ph.D.
Going through the experience of infertility is one of life’s greatest stresses. Unfortunately, just as you are going through this terrible situation with your spouse and need to feel close, your sexual intimacy is affected by the trauma of the fertility problems you are facing. Continue reading